‘Men developing slower than women is not entirely biological. Women are ‘forced’ out of their childhood very early in life’ — Unknown.
The induction
The year was 2008, and I had just transferred to another secondary school. I was an 11-year-old girl with an upbeat personality. I had a low-cut because my mother felt my nappy hair would be easier to manage if it didn’t exist. She also thought it would help me stay focused, as I didn’t have to spend minutes in front of the mirror trying to look pretty. She didn’t realize that I was hitting puberty, and my woman parts had begun to grow. My flat chest was not as flat as before, and though my breasts were not full enough to fit into a bra, I was beginning to be more aware of my body.
My previous school was girls-only, so we had little interaction with the opposite sex. But when I moved to this new school, I had to relate with boys of different shapes and sizes. Most of the girls in the new school had long, relaxed hair, so I felt hideous with my low-cut. I wore a beret hoping that it would cover the black mass of tiny follicles of hair. Although I felt comfortable in my pinafore and white shirt, I thought they were not flattering enough. I wish they fitted more to give the illusion of curves, even if I was as straight as a stick.
At the time, I developed a crush on a young man who was a fan of the Barcelona club. Because of this crush, I began to take an interest in Football, attempting to watch matches at home. But even with my knowledge about the world of sport, he never looked at me, let alone chat with me. He only said a word or two to me when we were in a group. I knew he didn’t think I was pretty. I mean, I was skinny, straight, and had no hair. My induction to puberty came with very low self-esteem.
Let there be blood
Js3 was a slight improvement. My woman parts were more visible, which meant I had to wear a training bra. Although my legs were still so skinny, you could snap them off like a twig, I had pint-sized tangerines on my chest that one could hardly miss in my now fitted pinafore. I had a small afro, and although I still wore a beret, there was visible hair underneath.
On a hot afternoon, I had just gotten back from a pretty regular day at school. I have this thing I do where I hold in urine till I find a comfortable toilet to release. This was one of such moments-except I had kept it in for too long — so I raced to the bathroom immediately after I got home. As I sat on the toilet seat, relieved, I noticed a red spot on my underwear. “Was this my period? Oh my goodness! Mother had told me about this before”. And so I went to her with the underwear. She brought out some pads and congratulated me. Then, she sat down with me to give me ‘The Talk’.
It didn’t take long for me to have my first public period stain and have a friend lend me her sweater to cover myself. While it made me feel better, it also felt as if it was a way of apologizing for making people feel uncomfortable about something I had no control over.
And so it began
No one prepares you for periods — cramps, sore breasts, loss of appetite, mood swings, fatigue. I have had periods for over a decade, and I will never get used to them. And while we deal with the stress periods come with, there is a nuance that is often not spoken about- a certain maturity you ought to have. At the age of 11, I was told to behave and act in a certain way to avoid being a disgrace in society.
‘Take another black nylon,’ a Malam said to me when I bought a sanitary pad from him. I was a bit confused because the pad was already in a polythene bag, and I felt it would be a waste. But out of politeness, I took it. Later, I found out that it was meant to help me hide the item I had bought. I soon realized that being on your period was a discomfort that must stay hidden. You have to pretend to be okay even when you are not. “Don’t swim while in your period”, “don’t play with boys too much”, “take an extra pad with you and ensure you always have a painkiller”, “calculate your periods on a calendar — you don’t want to be caught unawares.” So many rules and regulations that had to be a part of my life so early on.
It didn’t help that I had to also focus on school work and help around the house because it is crucial to be adequately trained as a woman. And so, as I grew older, I learned to live silently with a curse I didn’t choose. I knew what it meant to be a ‘strong’ woman.
The curse
Genesis 3:16 (KJV)
To the woman, He said: “I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; In pain, you shall bring forth children; Your desire shall be for your husband, And he shall rule over you.”
The New Living Translation puts it this way:
“Then he said to the woman, “I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain, you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.”
Whenever I read this verse, I wonder why God forgot to mention that this pain was lifelong. Why did God only mention the obvious discomfort — pregnancy, not the pain we have to re-live every month? Why does even God neglect this part of His curse? Is it perhaps because of God’s neglect that the whole world has chosen that this aspect of our lives was not worthy of constant conversation?
All the men I have dated tell me that I am the first lady they’ve met who never seems to stop talking about her period. Somehow, I had to educate them on PMS’s, ovulation, and even the difference between tampons and pads. I always wondered why their exes were so silent about something unignorable? Was I doing too much?
I figured this was an aspect of my life that needed to be heard with time. I wasn’t going to be the one telling people I couldn’t make an event because of ‘mild’ discomfort. I was going to speak openly about this not-so-invisible elephant in the room.
It is important for me. It is essential for the 12 years old in me who was made to ‘grow up’ early because of this life-long discomfort. It is hugely encouraging to see that the world has progressed, and women are no longer too shy to talk about it. But I write for those who are still unwilling to catch on. I ask you to speak about this more openly and raise daughters to be comfortable in their skin.
It is inherent in the value placed on humanity that no human being should ever feel ostracized for something entirely natural.
